Specialist evidence-based individual therapy to help you understand relationship patterns, strengthen communication and make more informed choices about the relationships in your life.
Relationships can be deeply rewarding. They can also be complicated. Two people can care enormously about one another and still struggle to communicate. Relationships can change as circumstances change. Needs can become different. Resentment can build around things that were never discussed. Trust can be damaged. Sometimes the same disagreement seems to happen repeatedly without either person quite understanding why.
And relationship difficulties aren’t limited to romantic relationships. They can occur with family members, friends, colleagues, adult children or anybody whose relationship with you matters.
Perhaps you find yourself giving more than you receive, avoiding difficult conversations or feeling responsible for keeping a relationship together. You may struggle to trust, find yourself becoming defensive during conflict or repeatedly feel unheard despite trying to explain what you need. Or perhaps you’re trying to work out something more fundamental: Is this relationship difficult because relationships sometimes are or is something here genuinely not working for me?
I provide individual rather than couples therapy, so our work isn’t about determining who is right or changing somebody who isn’t in the room. It’s about understanding your experience of relationships, the patterns you can influence and the choices available to you.
Understanding Relationship Difficulties
There is no single reason relationships become difficult. We each bring our own needs, expectations, values, communication styles, experiences and ways of responding to emotion into our relationships. The other person brings theirs.
Then there is everything happening around the relationship: work, parenting, finances, health, caring responsibilities, culture, neurodivergence, stress, loss, changing roles and the practical realities of everyday life.
Sometimes earlier experiences matter. Previous relationships may influence what we expect from trust, conflict, intimacy or dependence. But we shouldn’t assume every difficulty in a current relationship is really about the past. Sometimes two people communicate differently. Sometimes their needs or values have changed. Sometimes the relationship has become unequal. Sometimes trust has genuinely been damaged. And sometimes both people are trying very hard but the pattern between them still isn’t working. You may find yourself wondering:
Therapy isn’t about deciding who is to blame. But not blaming isn’t the same as pretending responsibility is always equal. Sometimes both people contribute to a difficult pattern. Sometimes one person’s behaviour is having a much greater impact. Understanding relationships thoughtfully means being able to recognise both possibilities.
The aim is to understand what is happening, what belongs to you, what belongs to somebody else and what is actually within your control.
How Relationship Difficulties Can Affect Everyday Life
Relationship difficulties can take up enormous emotional space, particularly when the relationship itself is important to you. You might notice:
- Recurring arguments, having different versions of essentially the same conflict.
- Feeling unheard, explaining yourself repeatedly without feeling understood.
- Avoiding difficult conversations, worrying that raising something will make matters worse.
- Communication breakdowns, becoming defensive, shutting down, escalating or misunderstanding one another.
- Resentment, particularly where responsibilities or emotional labour feel unequal.
- Difficulty trusting, following betrayal, inconsistency or previous experiences.
- People-pleasing, prioritising harmony whilst your own needs gradually disappear.
- Difficulty with boundaries, feeling unsure what is reasonable to ask for or decline.
- Taking too much responsibility, believing it is your job to repair every disagreement or maintain the relationship.
- Self-doubt, repeatedly questioning whether you’re too sensitive, demanding or difficult.
- Emotional distance, feeling lonely despite technically being connected to somebody.
- Difficulty expressing needs, hoping the other person will recognise them without you having to ask.
- Different needs for closeness or independence, leaving one person feeling crowded and another disconnected.
- Uncertainty about staying or leaving, repeatedly analysing whether the relationship can change.
- Losing sight of yourself, adapting so much that you’re no longer sure what you actually want.
Relationship difficulties can also affect sleep, concentration, work, mood, confidence and other relationships.
And because relationships involve more than one person, change can sometimes be frustrating. You can change how you communicate, respond and participate. You cannot single-handedly create a healthy relationship for two people.
What Can Keep Relationship Difficulties Going?
Relationship difficulties often develop into cycles, where each person’s understandable response becomes the trigger for the other’s.
For example, one person may feel disconnected and try harder to talk. The other feels increasingly pressured and withdraws. That withdrawal increases the first person’s sense of disconnection, so they pursue the conversation more urgently. Both people may be trying to make the situation better, one by creating connection and the other by preventing escalation, whilst unintentionally creating exactly the pattern neither wants.
But not every relationship difficulty is a reciprocal cycle. Sometimes communication isn’t the central issue. Repeated dishonesty, contempt, coercion, controlling behaviour, intimidation or persistent disregard for another person’s needs cannot be solved simply by communicating more effectively.
Therapy helps us distinguish between patterns you can participate in changing and circumstances you may need to respond to differently.
How Therapy Can Help
Therapy begins by developing a shared understanding of what happens in your relationships, what you bring to those interactions and what is genuinely happening around you.
Depending on your formulation, therapy may draw on Schema Therapy, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), EMDR or Integrative Psychotherapy. Different approaches may help us work with communication patterns, boundaries, self-worth, emotional responses, difficult earlier experiences or decisions about relationships.
Where neurodivergence, culture, identity, power dynamics or current circumstances matter, these remain part of the formulation.
Integration doesn’t mean using everything at once. The formulation guides what we use, when and why.
I provide individual rather than couples therapy. The aim therefore isn’t to change somebody else. It’s to help you understand your relationships more clearly, recognise what is within your influence and make choices that reflect your needs and values.
Common Misconceptions About Relationship Difficulties
“Relationship difficulties mean the relationship is unhealthy.”
Not necessarily.
Even supportive and meaningful relationships can involve conflict, misunderstandings, different needs or periods of disconnection.
The presence of difficulty doesn’t tell us whether a relationship is good or bad. Therapy helps us understand what is happening, how each person is affected and whether the patterns within the relationship are workable for you.
“If we were right for each other, relationships shouldn’t be this difficult.”
Compatibility matters, but no relationship removes difference.
People can have different needs around closeness, communication, affection, independence, conflict, sex, family, responsibilities and time together.
Sometimes those differences can be negotiated. Sometimes they reveal genuine incompatibilities.
Therapy isn’t about deciding which is true before we’ve understood the situation.
“Conflict means something is wrong with the relationship.”
Conflict itself isn’t necessarily the problem.
People who care about each other will sometimes disagree, disappoint one another or want different things.
What often matters more is how conflict happens, whether both people can express themselves safely and whether there is capacity for repair afterwards.
“Good communication would solve everything.”
Communication matters, but not every relationship difficulty is a communication problem.
Sometimes people understand each other perfectly well and still want different things.
There may also be difficulties involving trust, boundaries, values, emotional safety, intimacy, responsibilities or behaviour that cannot simply be communicated away.
“I need to understand why the other person behaves this way.”
Understanding another person’s perspective can sometimes be useful.
But individual therapy cannot tell us with certainty what somebody else thinks, feels or intends.
Sometimes focusing extensively on why they do that can also move attention away from a different question:
What does this relationship feel like for you, and what do you want to do with the information you already have?
“Setting boundaries means telling other people what they can and can’t do.”
Not quite.
Boundaries are primarily about what you are comfortable with, what you are willing to participate in and what you may choose to do when something isn’t acceptable to you.
They aren’t a way of controlling another person’s behaviour.
And healthy boundaries don’t have to look identical across every person, relationship or culture.
“Being independent is healthier than needing people.”
Not necessarily.
Human beings vary in how they balance independence and connection, and cultural expectations around relationships differ considerably.
Therapy doesn’t assume that becoming more self-sufficient is always the healthiest outcome.
The aim is usually greater flexibility and relationships in which your needs and values have space alongside those of other people.
“Therapy will tell me whether I should stay or leave.”
That’s not my role.
There may be circumstances where safety needs to take priority, but therapy generally isn’t about me deciding whether a relationship should continue.
Instead, we can understand what is happening, what matters to you, what has and hasn’t changed and what choices are realistically available.
The decision remains yours.
Food For Thought
What might become clearer if you stopped asking only how to make the relationship work and also asked what you need from a relationship for it to work for you?
A Note from Agi
One thing I think can get lost when we talk about relationships psychologically is that not every relationship difficulty needs to be traced back to something inside you.
Sometimes understanding your history is incredibly helpful. We may discover patterns around trust, conflict, people-pleasing, vulnerability or the roles you tend to take within relationships. But sometimes you’ve communicated clearly and the other person isn’t listening. Sometimes your needs are different. Sometimes circumstances have changed. And sometimes a relationship that was once right for you no longer is.
I’m interested in both sides of that picture. Where do you have influence? Is there something you want to communicate or approach differently? And where might you be taking responsibility for something you simply cannot change on your own?
Therapy isn’t about making you better at keeping every relationship. Sometimes it helps relationships repair and deepen. Sometimes it helps you relate differently. And sometimes it helps you recognise more clearly what you can and cannot continue accepting.
My role isn’t to make that decision for you. It’s to help you understand the situation well enough that your decisions become less driven by fear, guilt or self-blame and more informed by what you know about yourself, the relationship and what matters to you.
Frequently Asked Questions
What counts as a relationship difficulty?
There isn’t one definition.
You might be experiencing repeated conflict, disconnection, difficulty trusting, uncertainty about a relationship, problems expressing needs, difficulties with boundaries, jealousy, resentment or patterns that seem to repeat across relationships.
Sometimes there isn’t an obvious crisis at all.
You may simply feel that something within your relationships isn’t working in the way you would like it to.
Does therapy only focus on romantic relationships?
No.
Relationship difficulties can involve partners, family members, friendships, colleagues or other important relationships.
We can also explore patterns that appear across several relationships rather than focusing on one particular person.
Can I come to therapy about my relationship without my partner?
Yes.
Individual therapy can provide space to explore your experience of the relationship, your emotional responses, needs, boundaries, patterns and choices.
However, it isn’t couples therapy. I would be working therapeutically with you rather than assessing or treating your partner.
What if I’m not sure whether the problem is me or the relationship?
We don’t necessarily need to divide things that neatly.
Your history, expectations and ways of responding may influence what happens within relationships.
At the same time, the other person’s behaviour and the actual dynamics of the relationship matter too.
Therapy helps us hold both possibilities rather than automatically assuming either “it’s all me” or “it’s all them.”
Can therapy help me decide whether to stay in a relationship?
Therapy can help you think more clearly about the decision, but it won’t make it for you.
We might explore what you value, what you need, what concerns you, what has been tried, what appears changeable and what the different choices might mean for you.
Sometimes greater clarity develops before certainty does.
Why do I keep having the same difficulties in different relationships?
Sometimes recurring patterns reflect expectations or responses that have developed through previous experiences.
You may find yourself repeatedly avoiding conflict, taking too much responsibility, struggling to trust, prioritising other people’s needs or becoming particularly sensitive to certain interpersonal situations.
But repetition doesn’t automatically mean you are causing the problem.
We explore both your patterns and the contexts in which they occur.
Can neurodivergence affect relationships?
Yes.
Autism and ADHD can influence communication, sensory needs, emotional regulation, attention, executive functioning, social energy, processing time and preferences around routine or spontaneity.
Differences between two people’s communication or regulation styles can sometimes be mistaken for lack of care or effort.
A neurodivergent-affirming formulation considers these differences without assuming one person’s way of relating is inherently more correct.
Can cultural differences affect relationships?
Absolutely.
Culture can shape expectations around family, independence, emotional expression, gender roles, caregiving, boundaries, communication and responsibility.
Therapy shouldn’t assume that one culturally specific model of relationships represents psychological health.
Instead, we’ll explore what these expectations mean within your life and relationships.
What if I struggle to know whether my expectations are reasonable?
That’s something we can explore..
Rather than giving you a universal list of what you should expect from relationships, we can consider your needs, values, circumstances, the other person’s needs and what feels workable or unacceptable to you.
Therapy can help you trust your judgement without pretending every relationship question has one objectively correct answer.
What if my relationship is controlling, abusive or unsafe?
Relationship difficulties and abuse aren’t interchangeable.
If you describe behaviour involving coercion, intimidation, threats, violence, significant control or concerns about your safety, we would take that seriously rather than treating it simply as a communication or attachment difficulty.
Where appropriate, we can consider what additional or specialist support may be needed alongside or instead of therapy.
Can relationship difficulties be connected with attachment?
They can be.
Previous experiences of closeness, trust, rejection, loss or dependence can influence how we respond within current relationships.
But attachment is one possible part of the formulation rather than the automatic explanation for every relationship difficulty.
Sometimes the current relationship itself is difficult.
Can therapy help if the other person isn’t willing to change?
Potentially.
You can’t use individual therapy to make another person behave differently.
But therapy can help you understand what is within your control, how you want to respond, what boundaries you need and what choices remain available if the relationship doesn’t change.
That can sometimes be important information in itself.
How Do We Start?
If you’re finding yourself repeating the same relationship patterns, struggling with trust, communication or boundaries, or wondering why relationships feel so much harder than they seem to for other people, you’re welcome to book a free 15-minute discovery call.
Together, we’ll explore the experiences that have shaped the way you relate to others, develop a shared understanding of the patterns that continue to influence your relationships and identify the changes that feel most meaningful for you. Rather than focusing on blame or searching for the “perfect” way to relate, therapy begins by making sense of what your relationships have taught you and how those lessons continue to shape your life today.
Our work isn’t about changing your personality or trying to fix every relationship.
It’s about helping you understand yourself within relationships, communicate more authentically and build connections where you no longer have to choose between being yourself and maintaining the relationship.
The healthiest relationships aren’t built on perfection. They’re built on understanding, flexibility, repair and the freedom for both people to be themselves.
If You Only Take One Thing Away…
Relationship difficulties don’t automatically mean that you are bad at relationships or that somebody else is entirely to blame. Relationships are shaped by two people, their circumstances and what happens between them. Therapy can help you understand what belongs to you, recognise what doesn’t and make more informed choices about the relationships you want to build, repair or step away from.