As human beings, we are emotional creatures. Emotions are not just fleeting experiences; they shape our thoughts, behaviours, and even our physical health. In therapy, I often describe emotions as signals, important messages that point us towards our needs, vulnerabilities, and strengths. Yet, for many people, emotions can feel overwhelming, confusing, or even unsafe. Understanding emotions and their role in mental health is an important step in healing and growth.
Emotions are part of our evolutionary survival system. They help us adapt to our environment and make decisions quickly. Fear alerts us to danger, anger signals when our boundaries are crossed, sadness helps us slow down and process loss, and joy encourages connection and belonging. Each emotion carries wisdom, pointing us towards what matters most and guiding us in how to respond. Without emotions, we would struggle to prioritise, to protect ourselves, or to connect meaningfully with others.
However, emotions can sometimes feel too intense, too persistent, or disconnected from what is happening in the present moment. When emotions become dysregulated, they can interfere with our ability to live fully and flexibly. Neuroscience research shows that emotions are created through a complex interplay between the brain, body, and environment (Barrett, 2017). This means that emotional experiences are influenced not just by what happens to us, but by our physical state, our past learning, and our current beliefs about ourselves.
I often use the image of a Newton’s Cradle, the desk toy where one ball swings and sets the others in motion, to explain emotional processes. Just as one ball creates a ripple of movement, one emotion can set off a chain reaction of thoughts, sensations, and behaviours. For example, feeling shame may trigger anxious thoughts, which can lead to avoidance or compulsive behaviours such as binge eating or checking rituals. The energy transfers from one sphere to another until we intervene or redirect it.
In therapy, learning to understand emotions involves three important steps:
- Awareness: noticing when emotions arise and what triggers them.
- Understanding: making sense of what the emotion is communicating.
- Regulation: responding in a way that honours the emotion without being controlled by it.
Alongside these, there are some simple everyday tools that anyone can begin using to build a healthier relationship with feelings:
- Name it to tame it: pausing to identify and label an emotion reduces its intensity and makes it easier to manage.
- Body scans: taking a few moments to notice where emotions show up physically, tight chest, heavy stomach, tense shoulders, helps link feelings to bodily experiences.
- Grounding breaths: slow, deliberate breathing helps regulate the nervous system and bring us back into the present moment.
- Emotion diaries: jotting down triggers, feelings, and responses over time builds patterns of awareness.
Emotions in Eating Disorders
Emotions such as shame, fear, and guilt often underpin restrictive or binge-purge cycles. Eating disorders can act like emotional regulators, offering a sense of control when life feels overwhelming. Research suggests that difficulties with emotional awareness (alexithymia) are common in eating disorders (Westwood et al., 2017). This means that some individuals may struggle to name, understand, or express what they feel.
In therapy, the focus is on helping clients:
- Build emotional literacy: learning to identify emotions in the body and name them.
- Create emotional safety: gently working with difficult feelings so they no longer feel overwhelming or unsafe.
- Develop healthier coping strategies: using tools from CBT and Schema Therapy to break the cycle of self-criticism and restriction.
One practical exercise is to pause when an urge arises and ask: “What feeling am I experiencing right now, and what does it need?” This reframes the eating behaviour as a messenger rather than a failure.
Emotions in OCD
In OCD, distressing emotions, such as anxiety, guilt, or disgust, are often managed through compulsions. The compulsions reduce distress in the short term but reinforce the belief that the emotions themselves are dangerous. This maintains the cycle over time.
Therapeutic work focuses on:
- Tolerating and processing emotions: building the ability to sit with uncomfortable feelings without acting on compulsions.
- Exposure and response prevention (ERP): gradually facing triggers while resisting compulsions, allowing emotions to rise and fall naturally.
- Compassionate awareness: shifting from self-criticism (“I shouldn’t feel this”) to acceptance (“This is what I’m feeling, and I can learn to cope with it”).
A helpful practice is to visualise emotions as waves, strong and powerful at their peak, but always temporary. Learning to “surf the wave” rather than suppress or avoid it can be transformative.
Emotions in Complex PTSD (cPTSD)
Traumatic experiences often leave a legacy of intense emotions such as fear, shame, and anger. Survivors may learn to suppress or avoid emotions because they feel dangerous or overwhelming. Yet healing requires gently reconnecting with emotions in a safe and supported way.
Therapeutic approaches such as EMDR and Schema Therapy are particularly effective here. They allow individuals to:
- Process traumatic memories: reducing the emotional intensity tied to the past.
- Build new patterns of regulation: using grounding, breathwork, and safe place imagery.
- Reconnect with self-compassion: replacing shame with understanding and acceptance.
A key practice in therapy is pacing, working slowly enough that emotions can be tolerated without retraumatisation. Small steps, such as noticing a feeling in the body for a few seconds, can build resilience over time.
Emotions and Neurodivergence
For neurodivergent individuals, such as those with ADHD or autism, emotional experiences can be especially intense. Research shows that many neurodivergent people experience heightened emotional reactivity or difficulty regulating emotions (Mazefsky et al., 2013). Sensory sensitivities and social stressors can further amplify this.
Therapy supports clients in:
- Recognising emotional patterns: identifying triggers unique to their neurodivergence.
- Validating experiences: affirming that emotions are real and valid, even if they differ from neurotypical expectations.
- Creating personalised strategies: such as sensory regulation, structured routines, or visual aids to track feelings.
This work is not about “normalising” emotions but about empowering clients to work with their unique emotional landscapes.
Moving Towards Healing
Whether we are working through trauma, navigating compulsive cycles, or learning to manage everyday stress, emotions are at the heart of the therapeutic journey. By understanding emotions as messengers, not enemies, we can begin to approach them with curiosity and compassion.
In practice, I draw on CBT, Schema Therapy, EMDR, and integrative approaches to help clients process emotions safely and effectively. Therapy is not about eliminating difficult feelings, but about learning to live with them, respond differently, and create space for more joy, connection, and meaning.
Final Thoughts
Just like Newton’s Cradle, our emotions are always in motion, influencing one another in subtle and powerful ways. With support and practice, it is possible to interrupt unhelpful cycles and create new patterns of emotional balance. If you are struggling with emotions, remember: they are not a sign of weakness, but signals that deserve to be heard.
If you would like support in understanding and working with your emotions, I welcome you to reach out for therapy. Together, we can create a safe space to explore, heal, and grow.
