Many people arrive in therapy with a quiet but persistent uncertainty:
“What if I can’t trust myself?”
It doesn’t always sound like that at first. It can show up as overthinking decisions, replaying conversations, or needing reassurance before acting. It might look like ignoring body signals, doubting emotions, or feeling unsure whether something is “serious enough” to respond to.
Over time, this can become exhausting.
People often assume this reflects low confidence. But more often, it points to something deeper, a disruption in self-trust. And self-trust is not something we are simply born with or without. It is shaped, reinforced, and sometimes eroded through experience.
What Does It Mean to Trust Yourself?
At its core, self-trust involves noticing internal signals and allowing them to have meaning. These signals can take many forms. A subtle sense that something feels off. A pull toward or away from a situation. A physical sensation of tension, ease, hunger or fatigue. An emotional response such as discomfort, irritation or relief.
In psychological terms, this is often linked to interoception, the ability to notice and interpret internal bodily states. But in practice, this process is rarely straightforward. Internal signals are not always clear, consistent or easy to interpret. And for many people, they have not always been safe to rely on.
When Internal Signals Become Uncertain
It is often assumed that trusting yourself means having a clear, reliable “gut feeling.” But in reality, many people experience their internal signals as ambiguous, inconsistent, or even conflicting. Someone might feel anxious in a situation that is objectively safe. Another person might feel calm in a situation that is not. Physical sensations such as a racing heart or tight chest can reflect anxiety, excitement, fear, or even fatigue. The body does not always communicate in simple or linear ways.
For individuals who have experienced trauma, internal signals can become particularly difficult to interpret. The nervous system may become highly sensitive to potential threat, meaning that everyday situations can trigger strong physiological responses. This doesn’t mean the signals are wrong, but it does mean they may reflect past learning as much as present reality. So the question becomes less about “Is this feeling accurate?” and more about “What might this feeling be responding to?”
When You Learned Not to Trust Yourself
Self-trust is deeply shaped by relational experience. If, growing up, your emotions or needs were dismissed, corrected, or misunderstood, you may have learned that your internal experience was unreliable or excessive. Comments such as “You’re overreacting,” “That didn’t happen,” or “You’re too sensitive” can gradually shift how someone relates to themselves. In more explicit cases, experiences such as gaslighting, where someone’s perception of reality is repeatedly questioned, can significantly disrupt trust in one’s own judgement.
Attachment research shows that when internal experiences are not reflected accurately by caregivers, individuals may begin to rely more heavily on external cues than internal ones. This is adaptive. It maintains connection. But later in life, it can lead to chronic second-guessing.
People may find themselves asking:
“Is this reasonable?”
“Am I imagining this?”
“What would someone else do?”
Over time, internal signals become quieter, and external validation becomes louder.
Neurodivergence and Differences in Internal Signals
For many neurodivergent individuals, the idea of “trusting your gut” can feel particularly complicated. Research into interoception suggests that autistic and ADHD individuals may experience internal signals differently, sometimes more intensely, sometimes less clearly, and often less predictably. Some people may find it difficult to identify hunger, fatigue, or emotional states until they become overwhelming. Others may experience strong bodily sensations without clear emotional labels attached to them. Masking, can further complicate this. When someone has spent years prioritising external expectations over internal experience, it can become harder to access what they feel or need.
In this context, “trusting your gut” may not feel like an accessible or even helpful instruction. Rebuilding self-trust here is not about suddenly knowing the right answer. It is about gradually developing a relationship with internal signals, noticing them, becoming curious about them, and allowing them to exist without needing immediate clarity.
OCD and the Erosion of Confidence
In obsessive–compulsive disorder, self-trust is often affected through persistent doubt. People with OCD frequently experience intrusive thoughts alongside a strong need for certainty. Questions such as “What if I’m wrong?” or “What if I missed something?” can feel urgent and difficult to resolve. In response, individuals may check, seek reassurance, or mentally review situations in an attempt to feel certain. While these strategies can bring short-term relief, they often reduce confidence over time. The more someone checks, the less they trust their memory. The more reassurance they seek, the less they trust their judgement. Over time, self-trust begins to emerge not from certainty, but from lived experience, from seeing that things can be “uncertain and still okay.”
Eating Difficulties and Disconnection from the Body
In eating difficulties, self-trust is often disrupted in relation to bodily signals. Hunger, fullness, fatigue and emotional cues may feel difficult to access or interpret. External rules about food or body shape can override internal cues, making it harder to recognise what the body is communicating. For some, the body becomes something to manage rather than something to listen to.
This disconnection is not random. It often develops in environments where internal signals were ignored, criticised or controlled. Rebuilding this relationship takes time. It is less about immediately trusting the body, and more about gently becoming reacquainted with it, noticing signals, even if they are unclear, and responding with curiosity rather than judgement.
When Signals Feel “Wrong”
One of the more nuanced aspects of self-trust is recognising that internal signals are not always precise indicators of present reality. A feeling of danger may reflect past experiences being activated. A sense of calm may reflect familiarity rather than safety. A strong emotional response may be shaped by context that is not immediately visible. This does not mean internal signals should be ignored. But it does mean that self-trust involves interpretation as well as awareness.
Rather than asking, “Is this feeling right or wrong?”, it can be more helpful to ask:
“What might this feeling be connected to?”
“What is it trying to protect?”
This creates space for understanding without needing immediate certainty.
Relearning Self-Trust
Rebuilding self-trust is rarely a sudden shift. It develops gradually, through repeated experiences of noticing and responding. This might begin with small moments. Pausing before agreeing to something. Noticing tension in the body. Recognising when something feels overwhelming, even if the reason is unclear. The response does not need to be perfect. Self-trust grows through experience, not accuracy. Over time, people often find that their relationship with themselves becomes less about getting it “right” and more about staying connected to their internal experience, even when it is uncertain.
Therapy and Reconnection
Therapy can provide a space where internal signals are taken seriously, even when they feel unclear or contradictory. In trauma-informed and integrative approaches such as CBT, EMDR and Schema Therapy, the aim is not to impose external answers, but to support individuals in reconnecting with their own experience. This may involve exploring where self-doubt developed, noticing patterns of overriding internal signals, and building tolerance for ambiguity.
The therapeutic relationship itself can also support this process. When someone’s experience is met with consistency and curiosity rather than dismissal, it can begin to reshape how they relate to themselves.
Over time, self-trust becomes less about certainty and more about relationship.
Considering Therapy
If you find yourself frequently second-guessing your thoughts, emotions or decisions, therapy can help you explore how this developed and how to reconnect with your internal signals in a way that feels safe.
I work with adults experiencing complex PTSD, OCD and eating difficulties, offering trauma-informed, neurodivergent-affirming therapy in Menai Bridge and Llandudno, as well as online across the UK.
Self-trust is not about always knowing the answer. Sometimes, it begins with being willing to stay with the question. And that, in itself, is a meaningful shift.
